Monday, April 18, 2022

Pacing Problems and Hidden Repetition

It has been a long time since I've written about writing. I've been so busy doing the actual writing, that I haven't thought about much else. This past weekend I've been thinking about Pacing. 

Speed Limit Monitor showing the speed limit as 25 and your speed as 6.
Pacing can be a tricky thing. You think you're moving along at 25 mph, when you're actually only going 6. Usually, you don't even notice until someone points it out with feedback like this:

"Pacing's off." 

"This feels slow."

"This feels rushed."

"Something's off, but I can't pinpoint the problem."

Maybe you haven't gotten such comments, but I sure have. And it can be frustrating feedback because it's not always clear how to fix it. Especially when you feel like you are only giving your readers the information they need.

Recently, I was revising a middle grade book, and one of my big concerns was cutting back the word count. It was long for a middle grade, but it was an intricate, complicated plot, so finding places to cut proved difficult.

Luckily I had the help of some amazing CPs (critique partners) and my agent, but as I worked through their suggestions, I discovered that Hidden Repetition was the the reason behind probably 95% of what I cut. Okay, that number is completely non-scientific, but you get the idea.

So what is Hidden Repetition, you ask? Let me tell you!

Hidden Repetition is when an idea is repeated using different words. 

As humans, we do this all the time. It's so imbedded into the way we think, it's not surprising that it creeps into our writing as well. Think of a few common expressions:

"Safe and sound."

"Plain and simple."

"Slip and slide."

But it's not just about overused synonyms. Hidden Repetition can be found at all levels of writing. At the word level (as shown above), at the phrase level, and at the scene level. 

Paragraph Level

To find Hidden Repetition at this level, you have to take a closer look at your writing to find the problem. For example, here's a paragraph from my own work:

Exactly what you'd expect from the Wintertons. They were rich. They had money to waste on such things.

Looking at actual words, there isn't much repetition. Only the intended emphasis on "They." But those last two sentences express the same idea. So it's better to choose the sentence that says more.

Exactly what you'd expect from the Wintertons. They were rich. They had money to waste on such things.

Yes, there is such as thing as nuance, and truthfully, that double emphasis might be fine . . . but when you compound many such repetitions, it adds up and slows the pace. Here is another example:

The rain roared in my ears, and I shivered. All I wanted was to leave. "Please can we go?"

Again, there is no obvious repetition, but do you see it? Do you know what needs to be cut?

This kind of repetition falls into the "show and tell" category. Yes, I made that up, but it's spot on. As writers, we've all heard the expression, "Show don't tell." That's a whole other topic that I could spend a lot of time on, but you know what I mean. Show what happens to your character instead of telling your readers what happens.*

We know this, so we do the work and show it. But then we worry our reader won't get it. They won't understand that thing that we're trying to convey. So we do both. We show AND tell, which is exactly what I've done above. Here is my edit:

The rain roared in my ears, and I shivered. All I wanted was to leave. "Please can we go?"

The rain and the shivering and the question are enough to inform the reader that she wanted to leave. I didn't need to tell them. And by cutting that repetition, I tighten my story and give it a cleaner and smoother feel.

Scene level

At the scene level, the question we have to ask ourselves is whether or not the scene is giving new and necessary information to our readers. The writing may be good. It may be giving our readers information about our characters, but is it new? And is it necessary? Let me share an example to show you what I mean:

In the school, signs pointed audience members one direction and contestants another. We followed the signs down the trophy hall. The Region Soccer trophy that Gordon had helped win stood front and center with a light shining down on it. Behind it was a picture of the team. The state Mathletes trophy was in the corner behind some smaller trophies. And there was certainly no picture of our team. 

Would we have been front and center if Jennifer hadn’t ditched? I couldn’t imagine the Wintertons accepting anything less. But I was just a lowly scholarship student. And Mathletes wasn’t soccer. 

At the end of a hallway, a sharp-dressed woman about Mom’s age stood behind the check-in table. 

In this scene, I was trying to build the tension between my MC and her brother. I was trying to show how she might be jealous of him and the attention he is getting for doing what she deemed as less. Truthfully, in my humble opinion, it's a good scene. It does exactly what I was aiming for without saying that she was jealous.

BUT, this scene did not pass the test. First, while the information was new, I had already established that there was tension between them. And second, this information was not necessary. Not only had I already established the tension, but the tension I build in this scene is coming from the wrong place. The tension I wanted to build wasn't from jealousy, it was from a difference of opinion about an important issue. 

In short, this scene, though well-written, was not serving my story. It was slowing down the action and distracting my readers from what I was really trying to say. So here is what that scene became:

In the school, signs pointed audience members one direction and contestants another. We followed the signs down to the end of the trophy hall The Region Soccer trophy that Gordon had helped win stood front and center with a light shining down on it. Behind it was a picture of the team. The state Mathletes trophy was in the corner behind some smaller trophies. And there was certainly no picture of our team. 

Would we have been front and center if Jennifer hadn’t ditched? I couldn’t imagine the Wintertons accepting anything less. But I was just a lowly scholarship student. And Mathletes wasn’t soccer. 

At the end of a hallway, where a sharp-dressed woman about Mom’s age stood behind the check-in table. 

I got them where they needed to be without the little side trip. Again, I didn't cut it because it was poorly written, but because it wasn't serving my story. It doesn't matter how well-written a scene may be, if it's not serving the story, it is slowing the pace and preventing your readers from getting the information they need. 

While this example is just a small scene (because it was easier to show you), the same principles apply to longer scenes. Sometimes, you may end up cutting a whole chapter or more. I've done it. And my stories have been the better for it.

Though I don't have time to tell you about all the places and ways Hidden Repetition can sneak into your writing (for example, sometimes a whole character can be hidden repetition!), hopefully this discussion has been helpful! I was honestly surprised to find out just how much there was in my writing. Once it was cleared, the story flowed better and the pacing was no longer an issue. 

Let me know if you have questions, or if there's another topic you'd like me to discuss. 

*I feel compelled to mention that there is a place for telling in your writing. This rule should not be taken as gospel 100% of the time. Perhaps I'll do a post on this in the future.

Monday, April 11, 2022

5 MG Books I Can't Wait to Read

I've been so immersed in picture books the last little bit, that I've neglected talking about MG books. So today I am making up for that. There are so many great books coming out in 2022, and I'm going to share 5 MG Books that I'm excited for! (I'm excited for way more than that, so I may have to do another post like this one. Twist my arm a little!)

First up is EDEN'S EVERDARK by Karen Strong.

I fell in love with Karen's writing in her first book, JUST SOUTH OF HOME, and I cannot wait to read this one. It comes out September 6th, 2022, but I may have had the good fortune of snagging an ARC (advance reader copy), so watch for a review. My 12-yo is also a big Karen Strong fan, so her review may come first. So excited!


Here is the blurb:

Hailed by Newbery winner Kelly Barnhill as “stunning, moving, and marvelously strange,” this tale of a young girl who stumbles into a magical realm ruled by a wicked witch is a haunting and ultimately uplifting middle grade novel about grief, family, and decades-old magic.

Still grieving the loss of her mother, Eden visits Safina Island, her ancestral home, as a healing balm. But when she discovers an old sketchbook that belonged to her mother, she’s haunted by the images she sees drawn there. A creepy mansion covered with roots and leaves. A monstrous dog with dagger-sharp teeth. And a tall woman with wind-blown hair and long, sharp nails who is as beautiful as she is terrifying.

Days later, exploring the island alone, Eden follows a black cat through a rift in the bright day. She stumbles into Everdark, a parallel world where the sun never rises, where spirits linger between death and the afterlife, and where everything from her mother’s drawings is all too real—especially the Witch of Everdark, who wants to make Eden her eternal daughter.

Can Eden find a way to defeat the witch’s magic? Or will she remain trapped in Everdark forever?


Next up is A DUET FOR HOME by Karina Glaser.

You may have heard of Karina's VANDERBEEKER series which is like a warm hug in book form. If you haven't read those, get on that right away! A DUET FOR HOME was supposed to be her second book, so I'm all the more excited to finally get to read this one. It just came out last Tuesday, April 5th, 2022. My copy is on the way to my house from Books of Wonder (a great place to order from!) as I type. And yep, you guessed it, a review will be coming for this one, too.


Here is the blurb:

From the New York Times bestselling creator of the Vanderbeeker series comes a triumphant tale of friendship, healing, and the power of believing in ourselves told from the perspective of biracial sixth-graders June and Tyrell, two children living in a homeless shelter. As their friendship grows over a shared love of classical music, June and Tyrell confront a new housing policy that puts homeless families in danger.

It's June’s first day at Huey House, and as if losing her home weren’t enough, she also can’t bring her cherished viola inside. Before the accident last year, her dad saved tip money for a year to buy her viola, and she’s not about to give it up now. Tyrell has been at Huey House for three years and gives June a glimpse of the good things about living there: friendship, hot meals, and a classical musician next door. Can he and June work together to oppose the government, or will families be forced out of Huey House before they are ready?


A PERFECT MISTAKE by Melanie Conklin has had me excited since I first read the blurb. Mystery? Intrigue? Hidden Secrets? Sign me up! This one comes out on July 12th, 2022, and I canNOT wait!


Here's the blurb:

A moving, voice-driven novel about friendship, responsibility, and fighting against unfair expectations, for fans of Rebecca Stead and Erin Entrada Kelly.

Max wishes he could go back in time to before he was diagnosed with ADHD, before he grew to be the tallest kid in his class, and before he and his best friends went into the woods in the middle of the night. Max doesn’t remember what happened after he left his friends Will and Joey and the older kids who took them there. He’s not sure if he wants to remember. Knowing isn’t going to make Joey talk to him again, or bring Will out of his coma. 

When the local authorities run out of leads, Max realizes that without his help, they may never know what really happened to Will. Charged by the idea that he may be the key to uncovering the truth, Max pairs up with classmate and aspiring journalist Sam to investigate what really happened that night. But not everyone in the community wants that night to be remembered.


THE BUTTON BOX by Bridget Hodder and Fawzia Gilani-Williams is on the very top of my TBR pile (literally. My copy arrived last week!). I love learning about other religions and cultures, and this one has both a Jewish and Muslim main character. A book of inclusion is exactly what the world needs, and what I'm craving, right now! This book just came out on April 1, 2022. 


Here's the blurb:

If a magical button and a mysterious cat could transport you to the past...would you save the future?

After Jewish fifth-grader Ava and her Muslim cousin Nadeem are called hateful names at school, Granny Buena rummages in her closet and pulls out a glittering crystal button box. It's packed with buttons that generations of their Sephardic ancestors have cherished. With the help of Granny's mysterious cat Sheba, Ava and Nadeem discover that a button from the Button Box will whisk them back in time. Suddenly, they find themselves in ancient Morocco, where Nadeem's ancestor, Prince Abdur Rahman, is running for his life. Can Ava and Nadeem help the prince escape to Spain and fulfill his destiny, creating a legendary Golden Age for Muslims, Jews and Christians?


And my final book is WHERE WE USED TO ROAM by Jenn Bishop. Okay, I'm cheating just a bit on this last book, since it actually came out last year. BUT, the paperback just came out on April 5th, 2022, so I'm counting it! This book deals with some pretty heavy issues (sibling drug use), and I love that MG is getting more inclusive to deal with things kids really face. In fact, I could have used this book when I was a kid. So it will have to suffice that adult-me gets to read it.


Here's the blurb:

When Emma starts sixth grade, things finally begin to change. She may still be in the shadow of her older brother, Austin, the popular high school quarterback, but she’s made artsy new friends who get her way more than her bookish best friend, Becca.

But things are changing for Austin, too. After undergoing surgery for a football injury, Austin has become addicted to opioid painkillers. By the end of the school year, everything blows up with Austin—and Becca. When their parents decide to send Austin to rehab and Emma to stay with family friends in Wyoming for the summer, Emma seizes the chance to get away.

Wyoming turns out to be a perfect fresh start, especially after Emma makes friends with Tyler, a kindred spirit who doesn’t judge her—then again, he doesn’t know what she did to Becca. Still, Emma can’t hide forever…or go back to the way things were with Austin or with Becca. But can she find a way to confront the truth and move forward?


What books are you looking forward to reading! Let me know in the comments so I can add to my TBR pile!